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Yin and Yang after all/ The Awkward truth

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Kono Loki Post number 24575 Posted: 16th June 2018     Subject: Yin and Yang after all/ The Awkward truth
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Awkward truth. Is [Yin Yang] REAL.

For YEARS I have always aggressively denied that I have feminine energy at all, believing that I am a man, and therefore everything I have is automatically masculine, including my energy, probably out of fear, namely my deep rooted fear of being dominated by feminine/goddess (That silver/blue, flowing type of energy I see when I focus) but recently I have found out that I DO have feminine energy, meaning that my whole view of energy and spirituality have been turned on its head and this is giving a great amount of stress, with some very mild minor internal panic attacks. [Embarassed]

And to be honest I am still struggling to cope with the insecure feeling and the fear, resulting in an almost demonic type of anger and frustration, so some advice would be appreciated. [Evil or very mad]

Thanks. [Triskel]

PS: I am also looking for a better name for myself than mystic, which is to general...

I really HATE yin and yang, especially because it's true.
Kono Loki Post number 24587 Posted: 19th June 2018     Subject:
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I hope this does not overlap into religious truth...

I really HATE yin and yang, especially because it's true.
Kono Loki Post number 24648 Posted: 8th July 2018     Subject:
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Let me rephrase it since nobody replies,

The whole finding out I have feminine energy is scaring the living daylights out of me, creating a frustrated type of rage in me. [Yin Yang]

So far i just try to ignore it all but its not helping if i just hold in the anger [Evil or very mad] all the time just to let it all out in my dreams where i... ehhh.

Think of a scene in a fantasy flick where the overpowered main antagonist just causes total destruction among his enemies! [Twisted evil]

So what should i do about that?

I really HATE yin and yang, especially because it's true.
Mother Bear Post number 24649 Posted: 9th July 2018     Subject:
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If you look at human DNA, it's only a small part of our chromosomes that differ, so I'd say everyone has both "male" and "female" traits (whatever that means). Perhaps defining for yourself why this scares you will help? Why are you afraid of being dominated by a goddess and what makes you think she'd be dominating?
Kono Loki Post number 24651 Posted: 9th July 2018     Subject:
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To be honest I would not even want to know if there where a goddess, I just call feminine energy that because it makes it easier for Pagans to understand what I am talking about.

I am sure I am still traumatized by my really awful experience as a 11 year old, which changed me so much it could be seen as a Anakin to Vader type of transformation.
It felt like old wounds being torn open again, making a lot of old hatred to spew out as it where.

Short version: I am just utterly terrified of being dominated men hating women who are more spiritually powerful than me, its a deeply rooted phobia.
(See my introduction for the long version)

And thanks to this my whole magical practice has revolved around ONE single thing for the last 21 years, namely gaining POWER.
(The ability to control larger and larger amounts of metaphysical energy)

I really HATE yin and yang, especially because it's true.
Mother Bear Post number 24656 Posted: 10th July 2018     Subject:
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I obviously can't help you with past traumas (sorry to hear about what happened; what those people did is not Wiccan and all and has nothing to do with Wicca), but have you tried getting help elsewhere, in whichever form? I've found KBT a great resource for reshaping how I think about certain things, but if that's not your cup of tea, just talking to someone you trust might help. The important thing is to not get stuck in what happened to the point that it affects your daily life. I'm not saying you should forgive and forget, but just learn to live with it. Life sadly gives people knocks all the time, and all we can do is figure out how to function anyway.

Though on the more flippant side, I can't think of a single man-hating Goddess - bossy ones, sure, and demanding ones, but not in the "slave-master" kinda way. It's just not how pagan Goddesses rock, in my experience. That, along with "do as I say or else" is more along the lines of the Abrahamic god, really. Either way, there's no saying a feminine energy would be more dominant than a male one - or vice versa. [Wink]
Kono Loki Post number 24657 Posted: 10th July 2018     Subject:
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Trying but no luck so far.

Well there is Artemis, who killed Actaeon for seeing her naked by accident...
And the Amazons who HATED men...
And not all Abrahamic see God as a slave master either, but that's a whole other topic.

I just have no idea what to do with all this feminine stuff, its making me feel uneasy.
I wanted to learn about magick, and all I found was books and stuff about feminine spirituality regarding the subject, which did not really help me.
So i am just doing it all by myself, since there is no RL magical library.

Plus I want to be recognized as TRULY powerful again.

I really HATE yin and yang, especially because it's true.
Mother Bear Post number 24664 Posted: 12th July 2018     Subject:
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The Amazons very likely did not hate men, though the myth prevails. Artemis didn't kill Actaeon; she transformed him and told him not to speak, which he did anyway even though he knew the consequences - and that is what got him killed.
Kono Loki Post number 24671 Posted: 14th July 2018     Subject:
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Still, he was just a child. A bit brutal...
Not a role model.

And i just have no idea how to cope with this whole thing.

I really HATE yin and yang, especially because it's true.
Mother Bear Post number 24677 Posted: 16th July 2018     Subject:
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He was old enough to spy on a naked woman, so old enough to deal with the consequences.

I kinda of think you just need to get over it. It's not a disaster, by any means, and it doesn't mean anything apart from being genetically sound and normal. It's not actually a big deal when you look at the kind of problems there are in the world at large.
Kono Loki Post number 24678 Posted: 16th July 2018     Subject:
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He was a teenager so NO, he saw her by accident and not by choice, and its certainly not a reason to have him eaten alive, you don't kill someone for spying on a naked women, especially CHILDREN...
Whats next?
Beheadings for people who do not worship the "divine feminine"?

Its cruel a and sadistic murder and Artamis is clearly missandric...

On part two:
I mean spiritually, not physically.

I really HATE yin and yang, especially because it's true.
ChristopherBlackwell Post number 24679 Posted: 16th July 2018     Subject: Kono Loki, why do storng women fighten you?
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How would it be different from say a stronger male. Being stronger does not necessarily mean trying to dominate you. Some of the gentlest people I know are very strong people either physically or mentally emotionally. If you have strength, and you know it, you also have no need to prove how strong you are. Bullies are usually people that doubt themselves, and fear people finding out that they are actually afraid.

I happen to be a very gentle Gay man, I have never been in fight, could not hit anyone even if my life depended on it. I got drafted into the US Marines in 1966. By the time I had gone through boot camp, they had already noticed I was not aggressive, so they did not try to put me in infantry, so they made me a horizontal chart operator in 105 MM Howitzer. I admit going into the Viet Nam War that I had more or less assumed that I would die over there. I didn't.

Not having been a good student, my jobs were mostly minimal and as it turned out I am not really social so I spent more time unemployed than working. I walked because the 25 cent bus ride was too expensive, my idea of a Saturday night out was a 10 cent cup of coffee, back when that included endless refills. When I was a bit better off, I might buy one beer in a bar. Knew nothing about social life, much less Gay social life and rather skinny. Never the less without money, without a car, I learned my way around. Nevertheless it was obvious that I would not make it in the city and I really did not like being in the city.

Met my partner, and the next year he invited me up to Oregon to mine geodes. So most of the next ten years I was the shovel, wheel barrow and carrier of the geodes. I learned to sell them we opened one shop only to have it close with the 1979 gas crisis. So we ran the entire business out of a 1968 VW bus. A thousand pounds of geodes, all our mining equipment, cutting through polishing equipment, Also a wheel barrow and a case of 40% nitro-dynamite. By 1984 we had saved $15,000, bought a piece of land, had the shell of an adobe building, a well and a septic tank but no plumbing, just water faucet on the water pressure tank and bit by bit added the rest. When my partner lost most of his lunges to pneumonia, I ran the business ad took care of him for another 17 years. I myself had spent nearly a year having pancreatitis trying to kill me and two hospitals gave up on me. Most of my life was at poverty or even sub poverty.

But I live out in the desert on my own, would not live in a town for any reason. While still considered poor, no longer driving, and using a walker for any distance of walking, never the less I have a life that fits me, my home pays for itself as rock shop, I have people who help with the more physical side. It has been a very interesting life. My few customers keep me from becoming a complete hermit. It turns out I am great at meeting and greeting people, just need a lot of time to myself, I love quiet. Meanwhile I have developed an ability to get people laughing over the oddities of my life, and I have a knack of encouraging people. That seems to be my real job at age 72. I laugh about the fact that I may be more of an entertainer, then a businessman, but this present shop I have kept going for 32 years on what would be considered very small earnings. I don't even take a salary, because that would bankrupt this little desert shop. But it is something that I enjoy doing, and never could have survived with nothing to do. That kills people, having nothing to do.

May I suggest something, as far as those strong women, try getting to know them as friends. Men spend so much time trying to get women to bed, that they never get to know them as people. Once they realize that they can relax around me, our conversations go into all kinds of different direction, History, Archeology, Environment, Archeology, Myth, Politics. Those women were knowledgeable, and like to talk about those things, so they talk as much as I do, and we enjoy each other, no one has any role to place. Women enjoy showing what they know when they have someone who will appreciate what they say and do not try to boss them.

I knew a woman who was nice looking, gentle, wanted the usual house with a picket fence and two children. Yet men missed their chance with her, because she was also an expert car mechanic, loved to tear cars apart and make them run better, expert carpenter, even could make furniture from scratch, and she also happened to be and expert sword fighter with the two handed broad sword. She was a nice lady but to fragile male egos just were not man enough to appreciate her many talents. If I had my old rattle trap cars, had to live in a dangerous neighborhood and rent an unfurnished apartment, she would have made the perfect mate for a gentle guy like me. Some guys are so dumb. [Grin]

Wisdom is what is left after you have done all the dumb stuff
Kono Loki Post number 24680 Posted: 16th July 2018     Subject: Re: Kono Loki, why do storng women fighten you?
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I am not trying to get them to go to bed with me, in fact i think those dominant, matriarchal women are intimidating/scary.
I just want to know what this realisation means for my spiritual path, and i am sick of being told to "man up" or that i have a "fragile male ego", because my feelings are just as valid as a women's.

I never try to boss around women, but pagan women tend to do that to me, treating me like a spiritually inferior being.

I am done with showing humility because i have been humiliated enough times in my life, so the next matriarchal smug high priestess wannabe is getting a full salvo so to speak.

Anyhow i just want to know WHY men have feminine energy.
Whem would i need it?

I really HATE yin and yang, especially because it's true.
Mother Bear Post number 24681 Posted: 17th July 2018     Subject:
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It's unlikely that we'll get much further. You have your opinions and won't consider changing them; there's not much I can do. Good luck with your perfectly normal issue.
Kono Loki Post number 24683 Posted: 17th July 2018     Subject:
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I am not the one justifying child murder but fine, be that way, if it was a girl you would probably think it was utterly wrong...

Dianic Wiccans...

I really HATE yin and yang, especially because it's true.
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