Non-Patriarchal Parenting By Nimue Brown

Non-Patriarchal Parenting
By Nimue Brown

It is my belief that traditional western parenting models are all about getting children into the system. We have taught children that the authority of the parent is based on their ability to inflict pain/punishment and their ability to withhold resources as punishment. Patriarchal parenting values obedience over all else, it teaches the child to submit to the will of the parent and not to question the will of the parent. By extension, the child learns to bow to authority and participate in systems of power-over. This causes problems around consent and exploitation.

https://druidlife.wordp ... l-parenting/

Its not really patriarchal but more oppressive parenting, as it is not always the father who deals the punishment, so why use that word?

I see to often that pagans use "the patriarchy" as the bad guy, but the problems do not come ALL men, and i am tired of being grouped in with rapists and men who hurt their wives or using generalising terms which suggests all men are somehow responsiblefor the oppression of women.

We need a more caring way of parenting that teaches responsibility to children, not a system if fear, authoritarianism and punishment.

Sorry but i had to...

Kono,

Nothing wrong with stating your opinion.

Thanks,

I usually get banned for saying things like that.

Kono,

No one should ever be banned for a different opinion. Abusive behavior is the only good reason and sometimes not even then. I tend to be liberal, and on a Pagan political board I have a couple of conservatives who act abusive and I am a monitor there, so I can cut a post, or ban a person anytime I want to. However I can take care of myself on line, so I don't cut or ban. If I saw them attack someone who can't handle them, then I go and back the person being attacked. But it takes something pretty serious before actually the power that I'm granted as a monitor over there.

As for this forum here, I don't think I have ever seen them ban anyone. But then the members tend to be pretty decent here.

Funny fact, the word liberal means right wing where i live.

I hope so, i got banned 3 times for saying i think Wicca is unbalanced and matriarchal, and certainly matrifocal.

Its why paganism did not work for me, i don't need a "mother goddess", i dont want to be connected to nature and i dont believe i have a "feminine side"...

Kono,

Sorry to hear that, but unfortunately the one right way can show up in Wicca, like any other religion. Wicca is only one part of Paganism and yes you can have a Pagan religion without gods and goddesses. There spirits of the land and of the elements of each and everything, there are ancestors, so it really is a question of what you are drawn drawn to. The final proof of any religion is does it work for you.

I happen to be an Alexandrian Wiccan of almost 33years. So it has many of the features that you would not care for. Even worse we are known for telling people who are real Wiccans, who have to be properly initiated in British Traditional Wicca, only. So some would see me as something of a heretic. Doesn't bother me at all.

Back in the 1930s there was a movie, Lost Horizens, about a mythical kingdom called Shangri-La, where people lived well beyond the normal life span. A monk at the monastery, Buddhist seemingly, said their motto was moderation in all things, including being moderately heretical. I saw that back in the 1950s, but I still think, though fiction, it has it just about right.

So I can't tell you what is the correct religion, but I can encourage you to experiment to see what works for you. But each of us is unique, even though groups sometime tell us to fit in, and be normal, whatever that is. But trying to be the imaginary person, you are supposed to be, rarely works, be the unique person you that you are.

Read my introduction if you want to know more, but the short of it is that i am afraid of the matriarchial structures in most of Wicca.

Plus whenever i say something about magic they think i am just fantasising, which is rather frustrating since i am not the amateur they believe i am. (Part of would like to force them to their knees)

All my life i have had this thirst for power in me, magical power, the ability to command vast amounts of energy, shaping and bending it to my will like the the villains i saw in fantasy tv shows and on my mtg cards, as if i had been a dark lord myself.

I have no idea where that comes from but it is what drives me, coming to me in daydreams and visions mostly.

Kono,

If there is an objective reality, I doubt that we humans have ever experienced it. What we experience is the part that we can sense, starting with out sense, our education, experiences and even what we believe or cannot believe. So I cannot doubt another person's reality, just because it is not one that I experience. I recognized my own limits, and I am not so egotistical as to think I know more than I do.

Power is quite addicting, so your fight will be to control the power and not let it control you. Like any power it is how you use it. I will not give you any moral talk on that either. Again I cannot know what is right for you, only for myself.

I have never felt the need for power, just as I have never felt the need for wealth. My main desire has always been for freedom, including freedom from those with power who would try to control me to make me to fit in. In that much I have been successful. Having freedom gives me to ability to allow others to try their own hand with choice and freedom. Only when we deny ourselves choice and freedom, do we want to limit it for others.

So you are your own experiment, as it should be. Experiment and judge for yourself how it works or if it is what you need. Be always honest with yourself. You have your own strengths and weaknesses, those are your basic boundaries. Use them to create a life that works best for you. Sounds like you have quite an adventure to explore.

Kono,

Not surprised for I think all of us get damaged by rough things in life so that it requires time to deal with it. In my case I have forgotten a great deal of my life, because dragging the baggage around took up too much of my energy.

Ironically it was some of the worst things that taught me the most important lessons, including nearly dying a few times. It changes basic values and many things that use to bother me greatly that are not so important any more and I have learned to search out the smallest of good things, even noting when something bad, is not as bad as I feared it would be. Basically the reverse of what we normally do, where the smallest of bad thing, even a mere nuisance can spoil the day for us.

You will find your thirties as better time than your twenties I think. You have learned the real rules, rather than the theories taught in school that never work. Hopefully by now people have stopped treating you like a teenager, part of what makes the twenties so maddening. You have more experience and I would hope a bit more self confidence. You become a man, the moment you no longer feel the need to prove you are one. Actually you were the only one that you needed to prove it to, because there has never been only one way to be a man. Be what works for you.

I can still fall flat on my face and make foolish mistakes, but the difference it I can get over it and laugh at it a lot faster than when I was a young man and it was more painful. Best of luck to you. Last thing that you need is an old geezer like me, nearly 72, preaching at you. [Grin]

Well simply said i always get the feeling that i am somehow diminished, and i mean in a spiritual sense i am never taken seriously, as if i am not even able to sense the energy.

And i can't explain 80% of the things i see and so i always have to improvise, mostly trying things really.
And sometimes it just comes to me.

Like how to dispell energy or how to create a vortex shield.

Try my FB page.

Kono,

I don't sense much at all, though I have had occasional moments. So I am not sure that I can suggest anything beyond continue to pay attention to what you sense and continue to experiment as that seems to work for you. Have you considered looking into Ceremonial Magic. That is the first thing that comes to mind. Another area might be some form of shamanism.

Ironically i can not turn it off, i see energy all the time, i just have to concentrate to make out colors.

And i have been experimenting all my life really.

I have no idea what ceremonial magic even is, or Shamanism, though i have heard of them both.
But other than that? Nope.

I work mostly on the information i get out if my daydreams and fantasy cartoons, i know it might sound strange but it gives me ideas on how to channel energy.
(I always identify with the villain for some reason... )

And you are no geezer, you seem quite nice and wise.
For a young soul. [Smile]

Kono,

A woman past menopause is sometimes referred to as a crone, which over the centuries has gained a lot of negative baggage. This bothered some women as a man at the same stage might be called a Sage, which is rather pretentious as all old men are not always wise after middle age. So I refer to myself as a geezer on purpose.

At 55, I referred to myself as Geezer in Training, at 60 as Geezer, and now I am working on the old part. [Grin] Humor can be cruel if one gets careless, so I tend to make all my jokes about myself. Often as you get older the things that come with age are better handled with humor rather than complaint.

One of the things that I remember too well from being a young man was the games often played on young men by older men. So I try to remember what each age felt like in my own life, so that I will treat people appropriately according to their age. I think to many old people forget what it was like to be young, both the good and the bad things to each age. Often at each age we notice the problems first, so I sometimes point out the advantage to a person of a given age. We have far too many people who discourage people, and I think that we need more people to give encouragement. Crushing a persons spirit wrecks them in so many ways, but if they can be encouraged to continues to they find their own way, who knows what they might become. I think we all benefit if everyone reaches to the point of what they have talent at. Note the last line on my post, it is true about wisdom.

Personally i think the same goes for women, as they are hardly all wise, spiritually powerful/competent or even descent people.

Some on the other hand are truly divine, but waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy out of my reach.

Iam afraid i will die alone, and there are no "attract true love" potion or spell. [Razz]

, see, i make jokes about myself as well, but not when it comes to my magical or spiritual abilities.

Yes, well when it comes to spirituality i have to do everything alone.
Especially because i have no teacher or a good book.
(ALL books i found in the library are for women, Wicca etc)